Notaro - Personal Narrative #3

Does the writer provide an introduction that grabs the reader’s attention?

 I thought the introduction was well thought out.  Talking about the unwanted chores of family.  It gives a good indication of what the essay is going to entail.

Does the writer focus on significant events in his or her life rather than trying to narrate his or her entire life’s story?

 The writer focuses on the specific event of taking her grandfather to do his errands.  

Do the descriptions of the characters or important objects in the memoirs include sensory details that help readers to visualize, hear, smell or feel them?

Has the writer quoted speech or dialogue so as to reveal some important aspect of a character’s personality?

 This essay lacked sensory details compared to the last personal narrative.  This story should call for many sensory descriptions because it was a story about the adventures of grandparents.  The adventures with grandparents have plenty of opportunity for this, because life is seen in a different light with elders.

Does the writer narrate or describe events in a way that allows readers to connect them to experiences or relationships in their own lives?

Yes, this is a strong point of this essay.  The trip to the store with her grandpa is normally a routine event, but this time it had some excitement and uncertainty with it.

Has the writer explained the significance of the people, events, places, or objects in shaping who he or she has become? Does this explanation make sense in relation to the events, people, places, and things described throughout the memoir?

This story takes about the people that are most important in life.  Grandparents are a very special group of people. They have a specific insight to life that many don’t.  This story could have given a better description of how her and her grandpa relate to one another.

Does the writer provide a conclusion that reinforces the point of the story? The conclusion lacked in this story.  Although it was a good conclusion it didn’t reinforce the main themes of the essay, which were spending time with your grandparents whether but choice or not.

White - Personal Narrative #2

Does the writer provide an introduction that grabs the reader’s attention?

The introduction didn’t have the attention grabber that had imagined it would have.  Growing up around the lake I know what the feeling is of being out on the water early in the morning.  There are so many options for attentions getters with this idea.

Does the writer focus on significant events in his or her life rather than trying to narrate his or her entire life’s story? This story was unique because it was about the past experience of the lake as a kid, and the new experience of the lake as a father.  I feel as though the story would not be as complete if there was not an entire explanation of the life of his childhood at the lake.  It allows the reader to compare the two situations to what he is now experiencing as a father.

Do the descriptions of the characters or important objects in the memoirs include sensory details that help readers to visualize, hear, smell or feel them? Yes this story used excellent sensory details to depict the different experiences at the lake.  My favorite descriptor words were used when the lake was being described in the morning.  I agree with White, that there is nothing more memorable than the lake in the early morning.

Has the writer quoted speech or dialogue so as to reveal some important aspect of a character’s personality? Yes the writer gave an account of the experiences he had as a boy at the lake.  This gave the reader something to compare the two different perspectives too.

Does the writer narrate or describe events in a way that allows readers to connect them to experiences or relationships in their own lives? Yes, this story is something I had experienced growing up with as well.

Has the writer explained the significance of the people, events, places, or objects in shaping who he or she has become? Does this explanation make sense in relation to the events, people, places, and things described throughout the memoir? This is the best aspect of this story, because the writer tells us the images of what the lake use to look like and how it had or hasn’t change since then.

Does the writer provide a conclusion that reinforces the point of the story? Yes the conclusion gives a concrete feeling of a father son relationship.  This is a reoccurring theme throughout this story.

Sedaris Personal Narrative

Does the writer provide an introduction that grabs the reader’s attention?

Yes, the introduction paragraph grabbed my attention because enrolling in a new school is something everyone can relate to but he is a 41-year-old nontraditional student.

Does the writer focus on significant events in his or her life rather than trying to narrate his or her entire life’s story? Yes, at the beginning I thought that it was becoming to specific with the different circumstances that came up on a daily basis.  As I continued though it all came together and made for a well-organized essay.

Do the descriptions of the characters or important objects in the memoirs include sensory details that help readers to visualize, hear, smell or feel them? The different techniques used to depict what he was going through as a new student in a French class were clever.  He gave a good picture of some of the troubles that he had to face as a new student not even knowing the alphabet. It gave me a sense as though I was there. 

Has the writer quoted speech or dialogue so as to reveal some important aspect of a character’s personality? Yes, the dialogue between the French teacher and the students were very useful.  They demonstrated the cold hearted personality of the teacher and the worrisome new students.

Does the writer narrate or describe events in a way that allows readers to connect them to experiences or relationships in their own lives? Yes, the flow of the essay allowed me to picture an old memory that I had of a first day of class.  And how I had some similar feelings upon getting called on.

Has the writer explained the significance of the people, events, places, or objects in shaping who he or she has become? Does this explanation make sense in relation to the events, people, places, and things described throughout the memoir? All of the events that had taken place come and tie back together at the end of the essay. The classroom setting was a consistent place for this essay and allowed the reader to better understand what was taking place.

Does the writer provide a conclusion that reinforces the point of the story? Yes, this is the best part of the essay in my eyes.  First because the conclusion ties back into the main point and thesis of the essay.  And finally he has the opportunity to demonstrate what he has learned so far.  Little does he know that he still needs some help.

Sentence Variety

Sam got in her car and drove to the mall. She went to the shoe store to buy a pair of boots along with a shoeshine kit. She went to the food court and bought a burrito with onions and peppers on it.  Shortly after Sam ate the burrito. At the pretzel stand Sam saw a cute boy and blushed when he looked at her. The boy walked over to Sam. Sam said hi. The boy wrinkled up his nose. Confused Sam said hi again. The boy gagged and walked away. Sam was shocked, she had realized that she had bad breath. Crying Sam ran to the bathroom. She shined her new boots and put them on.  Sam walked out of the bathroom with confidence and found the boy. Sam kicked him using her new boots and told him he needed manners.  The boy fell to the ground. Sam walked away and out of the mall.

Writing Principles

Omitting needless words is an aspect of writing I struggle with.  I find that I tend to write the way I speak, which leads to unwanted filler words.  I find that in my writing filler words can also lead to run- on sentences and bad grammar.  Normally these needless words go unnoticed, but in the case of writing a formal essay they are evident.

Choosing a suitable design and holding to it, is a positive trait of writing that I learned in High School. Having a good consensus of the topic along with an organized description or essay is something that was engraved in me through out English class in High School. A good thesis allows for a well written essay. Having a strong thesis sets up the writer to be able to refer back through out the essay.

During the revision process I can improve my writing by having multiple people edit my paper to help eliminate unwanted filler words. Reading my paper out loud has helped in the past of eliminating those words. For my next essay I hope to see an improvement in this aspect.

Pressures

Two of the biggest pressures I have had to deal with so far in college are parental and self-induced pressures.  I am taking classes in the biology department in order to apply to dental school.  The acceptance in to dental school is very competitive. Parental pressure is a big pressure I encounter everyday, having my father be a physician he knows what it take to get accepted. This puts a lot of pressure on me because I know I need to live up to both his expectations and mine. Securities or a life plan is also something that influences me as well. I know that I need to succeed in school in order to provide a good life, not only for myself but my family.

Success in the classroom comes with great competition. I have a lot of friends that also want to apply for medical school. Seeing them work hard at their studies makes me want to work twice as hard, sometimes to hard. This in itself puts a lot of pressure on me.

Although being a junior I have grown and learned how to cope with stress over my three years in college. Not every plan or goal is going to turn out 100% the way you want it to. Understanding that different events may side tract you from your original plan, but it might turn out better for you in the end. From what I have experienced is that if you at least have a certain goal in life and you go for it; it will all work out in the end.

Summary Assignment

Describe the writing assignment: The summary assignment I picked was “College Pressures”, it was most interesting for me because I am a college student and understand some of the situations portrayed in this essay.

Describe your topic: The essay I chose to write about was titled “College Pressures” By William Zinsser.

State your thesis or your dominant and controlling idea(s): My thesis for the summary paper was stated as - College is a time for students to be exposed to new experiences and challenges, and in return are faced with troubling pressures such as economic, parental, peer, and self-induced pressures

Describe the audience for your written work: The audience for my summary was targeted to anyone who wanted to get a brief but complete understanding about the reading, and still be interested enough to read the essay by Zinsser.

Describe the writing process you used to develop this work: As I read the essay for the first time I made notes and comments in the margin of the book. The reason being is that I wanted to pull out the central ideas and point that the author William Zinsser was trying to get across to the reader.

How many drafts have you made: ___2___

Approximate time spent prewriting, planning & drafting this work: _4_____ hours

Describe the outside assistance you have received on this work (from instructor, peers, tutors & others): After completing the summary I had my essay reviewed and peer edited by my roommate who I believe is a good writer.

Describe the revisions you have made after you drafted this work: After I had completed the main draft, I went back through and added more detail to the essay, such as key quotes or phrases from the reading.

What areas of sentence structure, word choice, grammar and punctuation did you pay special attention as you proofread and edited this work?  Please describe: As I edited my paper I paid special attention to sentence structure. I wanted to make sure that I eliminated as many run - on and fragment sentences as I could.

Discuss some of the concerns you have with this work: I have two concerns with my summary. The first concern I had was to be careful of being to specific in regards to explaining the main points of my paper. The second concern I had in writing my paper was to not be repetitive.

Discuss some of the positives of this written work: A positive aspect of my summary was organization. I feel as though my main point revert back to my thesis in a well-organized manor.